Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Edward Munch created this work exactly 100 years before I was born (1885). He made it shortly after turning in his dissertation. It must've been a premonition...

school is killing me, I'm pretty certain of it. I will exhibit this fact in three key points.

1. It is currently 2:47 am. I took a "nap" from the hours of 8:30 pm and 1:00 am. Read: NOT HEALTHY.
2.I have a 10.ish page paper due on Thursday morning at 7 am. I currently have 4 words written for it.
3. My cuisine for the day consisted of:
-approximately 70 oz. of Coke Classic
-6.5 oz White Cheddar Cheese Nips
-some breakfast thing that I can't remember right now, but was probably not healthy
-Half a loaf of $.95 loaf of bread. Might have been stale even though I bought it today.

**someone please remind me why I'm here and what I'm doing with my life!? PLEASE!?!?!**

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The things I've loved

There's a song by Jenny Lewis that talks about the things that we love being more important than the things that love us back.

It kind of describes my feelings about coming home for Thanksgiving this year, and most holiday family-togetherness time. There have been some hard moments and some really really retarded, irritating ones. I've been super frustrated and annoyed and overtly delighted too. It's been a whir- nothing unexpected there, I guess.

Anyways. I've been working on this little project of focusing on the good things that happened. I've been communicating these things to a few friends of mine via text. I've decided to share them with you. I don't usually indulge in lists, but these things are worth writing about, and probably best communicated in list format. They are in no particular order.
This isn't going to be a traditional list of holiday things, but they are the things that really meant a lot to me over this break from school. There will be no mention of turkey and stuffing your face til you can't breathe- those things are never as good as the events that surround them anyways. My family is a little on the dysfunctional side of things right now. It's hard, but I think it's a good time to reflect on the things I have to be grateful about.

1. Beach Hair. The kind when the day is sunny and perfect, and you just get the tips wet because you were splashing in the waves, and some drops surprised you. And then the ocean breathes its salty air through the locks and you get the PERFECT texture. Then you leave and the air is humid and simultaneously beautifully dry. The best hair day ever.

2. Roller coasters. On the beach. This one in particular. I know it sounds silly to pay six dollars for one minute and 45 seconds of bliss, but it was worth every penny. Maybe it's because it was with my mom. Maybe it's just because of my deep-seated love for anything fast and dangerous. Maybe it was the contrast of the 75 and sunshine to the 35 and clouds from the previous day. Regardless, it was good.

3. A faithful dog who still remembers me from 4.5 years ago and intermittent, sporadic visits.

4. ANY family tradition that involves this, which ours did this year.

5. The ocean. The great Pacific.

6. The fact that my mom's new place is kinda nice, and it smells like her.

7. High school best friends who just want to talk over a cup of hot liquid in a cozy, cool little coffeeshop in the city. Perfect.

8. Breakfast with my dad.

9. Too-long discussions about post-apocalyptic survival tactics and people watching.

10. Parties with drunken old Mexican men.

11. Staying up til 4:30 am talking to my sister.

12. Evaporation pools and tall piles of salt and minerals.

13. Driving like you are from a city, and knowing that other drivers feel the same way. They're fast, concise, decisive, and kind in a nonchalant, realistic and efficient sort of way. And they seem to understand that the passing lane is for a.passing, or b. going faster than the rest of the cars. The camaraderie of the road is built in the city.

14. Free oil changes.

There were other good things too... Maybe I'll talk more about them when I can get my brain wrapped around them.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hi, awesome opportunity.

I got accepted to the BYU Art History Study Abroad 2010. I am the most excited I've ever been. Ever.

My itinerary:



the United Kingdom

the Netherlands


and France.

In other news, This woman is my hero. I love the things she says. She sort of set up the stage for a lot of the things that I believe in and study. You should watch her and listen to her speak. She like 85 years old. Kind of amazing. She is credited with setting much of the foundation for feminist art history. I hope it works. I love you.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Maybe I Already Said This...

...but this website is amazing. It's people watching-us maximus. Heavens. I could spend so many hours comparing and contrasting different years. Seriously. So. Great.

From the "about" section of the site:

Rotterdam-based photographer Ari Versluis and profiler Ellie Uyttenbroek have worked together since October 1994. Inspired by a shared interest in the striking dress codes of various social groups, they have systematically documented numerous identities over the last 14 years. Rotterdam's heterogeneous, multicultural street scene remains a major source of inspiration for Ari Versluis and Ellie Uyttenbroek, although since 1998 they have also worked in cities abroad.

They call their series Exactitudes: a contraction of exact and attitude. By registering their subjects in an identical framework, with similar poses and a strictly observed dress code, Versluis and Uyttenbroek provide an almost scientific, anthropological record of people's attempts to distinguish themselves from others by assuming a group identity. The apparent contradiction between individuality and uniformity is, however, taken to such extremes in their arresting objective-looking photographic viewpoint and stylistic analysis that the artistic aspect clearly dominates the purely documentary element.


Wim van Sinderen, Senior Curator Museum of Photography, The Hague

Go ahead and love it.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

It's Hard

I just saw Where the Wild Things Are. I cried. Some of the things in it were a little too raw for me, and they cut. It's hard to be a family.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Summer's Results

Hi. This is the project I worked on over the summer. I am super pumped. It opens on 22 October, so if you find yourself in Provo, come to the opening!
And this guy is the artist I found and brought to the table. I'm excited that he got into the show. Come see what he does!

We're working on it. Thanks to Kayte, we have pickles curing under our sink. They're pretty.
I don't know if we'll survive the winter eating only homemade pickles, but we'll sure try.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What's Shakin', Mama?

This is what I do now:

OH! and I almost forgot:

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

No Longer an Issue

I got an additional job for fall semester. I am excited. I will be a TA for the Art History Department of BYU. Dream Job number 2. Check.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Such and stuff

It's been a long time. Sorry. I have been busy with finals wrapping up, and upping my hours at work. I'm giving myself two days off (being yesterday and today). I figured I ought to put something up here as a means of update and/or proof of the fact that I am alive still.

I am alive still.

That being said, I'd like to report that I made a 3.7 GPA this semester- my best semester ever. I don't know why... in fact, it seems counter intuitive if you understand all the baggage I've been carrying with me this semester. I am really happy about it, and I feel really empowered that I was able to come off so well. I feel strong and good for my efforts, and happy that my time was well spent.

I have good hopes for the summer.

My mom's coming into town in two weeks. She is wonderful.

I will admit that I am a little bit anxious about it- nervous about having to deal in great depth with our family issues, and feeling forced to take a hard look at myself as a part of that- see how things are effecting me. Mom's good at pointing those things out to me, and it can be really alarming and distressing at times. Overall, though, I hope that we will be able to have a good time and have some good catch-up. I am excited to take her to the Mona Lavender Farm because it's so beautiful and summery good there. I have always associated the smell of lavender with my mom, this excursion seems so natural. I am also (a little bit ashamed to admit) excited that she might be able to buy me some new shoes...

I have always had this problem of running my shoes into the ground. I distinctly remember in third grade, having to get shoes three times during the school year because I had walked holes into their soles, and fully ripped the sole off one pair. I am hard on shoes. My ma told me we could get some new ones when she's here. Thank heavens.

In other news, I wanted to update you on an artist that I have become an ardent fan of in the last few weeks. I think I'll try to inform you of some great contemporary artists every so often- It's what I study all the time- I may as well regurgitate that info for you!

So firstly, by way of background, I have to tell you that I am a growing fan of Jazz. I have really gotten the spirit of the Jazz of the mid- century genius. On a recent vacation to San Fransisco a few weeks back, I had a great education on the history and formal qualities of the music genre by my good friend Jamie.

She talked me into buying my first (of hopefully a long tradition) Dexter Gordon album. I also bought The Anatomy of Improvisation, a collaborative effort of impresario Jazz artists.

That being the background to my interest, I'd like to introduce you to San Fransisco based artist, Ian Johnson.

His work is beautiful- mostly images of Jazz musicians. I like what he says about exploring the "spontaneous nature of jazz music and the physical structure of the human form." (In BIO on website...) I guess I'm so impressed because I've been listening to a lot of Thelonius Monk and Dizzee Gilespie, Chalie Parker, Art Tatum, and of course Miles Davis in the past month. My roommates are probably annoyed, or just plain confused. Nevertheless, Johnson is intriguing, and his works are beautiful. This one is currently my desktop background. You should check him out here.

Hopefully this will be a more healthy summer for blogging. A lot of my closest friends are taking off for the summer- I should fing myself with rather abundant time to maintan a strong bogging habit- so stay psoted.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Marc Johns; Oh how I love you.

I love this. I love Marc Johns. I love post- it notes. I love this blog that talks about him.

Please look at his stuff on rat traps. It is a treasure...

Sunday, March 22, 2009

We're Farmers. We Farm.

I joined a farm. a community garden of sorts. We rented land from this lady here in Utah County... $1.50 an acre- pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

We're planting peas and lettuce and chard and carrots and beets and corn and pumpkins and tomatoes and a lot of other stuff... I'm not sure about what all we'll be planting- just a lot of stuff.
We meet every Saturday at 8:30 for breakfast and then go to the farm about 9, work til noon or one. This was the third week we've been working, and it was a good week. We made beds, tilled the soil, and built a fence for the goat run, wherein the goats that we will one day milk and learn to make goat cheese will roam. This will be a good day, I can feel it already.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we effect the world around us. Last year, about this time, I read a book that changed my life, The Unsettling of America, by Wendell Berry. He talks a lot therein about how the way that we treat our agriculture reflects our deepest beliefs and directly influences our culture, and ultimately our individual bodies. Agriculture= Culture = Bodies.

I think that this is a beautiful concept, and I think it might be true.

That being said, I am getting myself ready for my season vegetarianism, round II. I start this when the world gets warm... summer time. There are many reasons for this, first and foremost, that I feel like summertime, of any time, is a good time to be vegetarian, if one feels so inclined. I feel so inclined. If I am growing a garden in the warm weather, I will eat the things I grow- seems utterly sensible.

I am excited about our garden. I love it. I want to go back tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Psychological Portrait

I am writing a paper about Philippe Halsman. I mentioned it before...
In my research inot the history of phychological portraiture, I have come across many interesting things, including, but NOT limited to the work of Sam Taylor-Wood:

If I were you, I would put this video on mute and play the song Measuring Cups by Andrew Bird, off of his 2005 Mysterious Production of Eggs(... or you could just watch him for a few minutes/ hours/ whatever... both are great-seriously one of the best shows I have ever been to, but that's a story for another post. This song just goes well with the video above. Try it. You'll like it). I really like the way that Taylor-Wood is pulling so much out of her sitters. I want to know how she got such a reaction from them. I guess ethically, It matters how she got them to cry... regardless, they are beautiful images. The men portrayed are actors, and might, therefore, be faking their tears and various states of emotional breakdown, but the way that she portrays these men who have carried around our contemporary cultural ideal of masculine machismo in childlike tears, overcome with their emotions is splendid. These are candid looks at an emotional gravity yet largely unavailable to men in our society.

And they are beautiful.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I'm BACK!!!

I'm going crazy, I think.

I am way too overloaded for any sanity to survive.

That all being said, I realize that I haven't posted for over a month!!!

-This is utterly unacceptable-

So. Updates.

It's getting warm. I think I might have a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), because I have had the hardest month. For two days when it snowed, I didn't leave my room. This terrible early 90's song seemed an appropriate soundtrack for my life...

So I'm up. I'm out of bed. The sun seems like it stays up for longer, and that is a happy thing for me. There a crocuses blossoming in my yard, a sure sign that glorious Spring is on the horizon. I can shake off the SAD-ness, and again regain my sanity- search under my crushing busy-ness.

To help this quest, I have made a goal. I want to get into the 'Cupcake Fad' currently so popular in all glorious cities.

I want to bring it to Happy Valley, and make it
work for me. I am going to be the cupcake czar of Utah Valley
and this is going to make me rich...

Well, kinda.

I am looking into
the local towns' fairs and city celebration days, as well as the local
business-fostering Provo Farmers' Market. I think there's a strong
market for deliciousness in these places.

So. I am looking for recipes. I have some GREAT ideas for things, but I am always happy to hear new thoughts.

ALSO, I am willing to bake for events: parties and family gatherings... did you ever think of having a wedding cupcake- cake to save space, hassle, money, and to accommodate the various tastes of all your guests? I want to make it for you. I hope it gets off the ground- People in Utah LOVE food. We LOVE clean, seemingly family-and-food-oriented fun, and this is a fantastic way to go. I am willing to make a go of it. More deets to come on that project...

Also, I have an exciting news update: my mom is coming to visit. I know that we'll have a grand adventure... I am making a paper chain until the day she gets here. I've been missing her a lot lately, and it will be good to see her and spend time with her. She is goodness.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Tell Me About It...

I am working on creating a new exhibit for The Internship... we are trying to open up the topic of how digital media is effecting our lives, and how much it is really integrating our society. In my research- which is multitudinous to say the least- I came across these from an unknown artist. I am enamored with them. I told Keri about them, and she had some good ideas about it too.

Anyone who spends upwards of an hour or so with me in an area where there is reasonable cellular service will know that I am a texter- extraordinaire. Given that I have about 500 minutes per month to share with 4 other people, coupled with unlimited text, I feel I have a valid and reasonable explanation to the incessant habit.

I really like the way that these works are bring out the goodness and the little encapsulation that happens in our frantic wireless lives, and the way that the message isn't always entirely clear, and the tone is so frequently mistaken. I can't count the number of mistakes that have been made, and the awkwardness that might have been avoided were it for a simple voiced, face-to-face conversation. The unknown texter behind these images is sheer genius, and has the right idea.

I also enjoy, in a mildly voyeuristic fashion, being in-the-know about the tender moments of intimate conversation that surrounds these texts. I feel like a spy, or a government agent or like I am in on some covert ops in the interrelationship of these mystery people/lovers. I do not know the history surrounding these brief moments of the conversation, so I like making up the story around it. If this is where art is headed, I am a fan.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Sweet Libation of the Gods

I was born on the 3 of November. This is, incidentally, the International Day of the Sandwich. I am so enamored with this food product, I can't help but writing an ode (or sonnet... dirty limerick... brief paragraph... you get the point) to the sandwich here.

I've always really loved PB&J. My dad used to make them for me before school every morning- I got hooked.
My latest, and most ardent obsession of late, however, is a tuna on wheat. Sounds gross, maybe, but with the right (off-brand, Kroger) mayo and a stick of celery cut to the just-right- morsel- sized portions, perfection is not a far cry.
I might be so besotted with this particular variety due to the fact that i have about 40 cans of tuna in my possession, and am currently the most poor that i have ever been in my life. So I eat what I've got. And I've got tuna. Lots of it.
In other news, and along the same (poverty) lines, Macey's Grocery Store had the most insane sale yesterday. No kidding, they were offering 4 lbs of bananas for a dollar. I found myself waiting in a huge crowd of people, which i wasn't entirely sure what they were all waiting for at the time. I realized later that we were seeking out .49 cent loaves of bread. I imagined then, the possibilities of my sandwich mania exponentially expanding. After getting trampled by a swarm of hungry housewives, who had stolen away from their hoovertown shanties, so desprate for a deal that they forgot basic human decency, and college students who seem to think we're in throes of the Great Depression, I made out with two loaves of still-warm wheat bread for under a buck. Awesome. All told, I bought two- weeks worth of grocerys for...dun-dun-da... $12.29. Yes. $12.29. Please hold you applause and shock and awe.
I feel as though my love of sandwich is well founded, and since we actually are in the midst of the comparatively Great(er) Depression, am empowered to continue my torrid relationship with two slices of bread and some filling. If you're really bored (more than just looking at my blog), this has some cool sandwich-y stuff, and this has some valuable info on the history of this, the libations of gods... now go make yuhself a sammige, and read it. Happy eating.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Why'd You Have to Go?

I work with a bunch of dead peoples' stuff. I historicize their papers and documents, and sanitize the lives and various experiences of all these people into a little Word document that is then made available on the internet.

Today, I became fundamentally sad when a lady that I was working with...well, I was working on organizing her journals and letters and stuff... when she died.

I went home because I was so sad about it- I couldn't go on working.
I just couldn't do it.

It funny because I was thinking to myself, this woman is so boring. She spent years and years crocheting a continuous quilt that I'm pretty sure wrapped around her house five times and watched tv. She talked about 'A Star is Born' a lot.
That was so sad.
In her journal, the last twelve years of her life, she wrote the same thing every single day. 'I did the work.'
Then at the last week or two before she stopped writing, she changed that to 'Elaine did the work.'
The last entry read 'Elaine did the work and went to the store for me today. I feel awful, just layed around.'
I don't know why it made me so sad- I hated her and how boring and how mundane and how very very meticulous she was about everything.

I felt like crying the whole way home.

I think I realized something about the profound brevity of life, and about the supposed fullness that makes it what it is- it's the human predicament, I guess- to be aware that we will one day be different, and that we will one day die. One day I will not do the work, and that I will one day feel awful and just lay around.

It is sad to me.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

AHHHHH... The Interwebs.

I was looking around for some things today... zooming around, looking for stuff of interest and just kinda web surfing, or as i call it, 'research'. I'm accessing the thing that the French philosopher, Lacan would call my 'Social Order.'
I would someday (soon) like to write an ode to web surfing. It is a joy and one of the small mathematical 'jollies' of my life.

My results for the day include, but are not limited to the following.

1.I encourage you to participate in this one... it's good.
Basically this ( website asks you why you do whatever it is that you do... I like it. I think it's good and thought provoking. So tell me! Why DO you do whatever it is that you do? I'd like to know. and give me something meaty. I want to make art about it.

2. I am recently really interested in the idea of women in art... mostly because I'm enrolled in a class by the same name by a wonderful feminist and mother/scholar the discussions we have in that class are multivalued, intense, draining, enlightening, empowering, and intense. It's a good one.
So I've been looking into topics for a term paper... the possibilities are endless. I don't however, want to write something easy-I'm ready for a challenge here! I don't want to do a biographical sketch of some hidden woman-artist...I need some social commentary and some real meat... Something about the infrastructural problem- I'm tired of feminists treating the symptoms of the problem, rather than treating the disease. I'm tired of the disease, and I want to see how women REALLY fit into the social fabric of culture, and see why it is that they are relegated to to the social status they now hold.
Here are a few options.


(A note on that last one, anyone interested in going to the PowWow with me?)

3. I'm in a History of Photography class. For the most part, I am extremely bored with the class thus far. I feel badly about it, but, well, I can't help it! Nevertheless, I am trying to find something that interests me in the topic... so far, I've only found this:I like this guy's ideas about stuff... about the idea of seeing people for whoever they are in a moment of truth when they jump. I like that.
A lot.

I love the internet.
It's a magical rainbow that connects you and me.

Oh, the life of an intern...

Guess what I did today for the internship of dreams!?!?!
You guessed it!!!!!!!
I blew up MORE balloons.
I'm getting really good at it. REALLY REALLY good at it.
the opening is tomorrow, so with any luck at all, this trial period of balloon mania will be short lived. I am excited about the prospects of new projects and to be involved with new art.
My hands are tired of tying those damned balloons.

They once looked very nice.

They will soon look rather not-so-nice, I'm afraid...

Friday, January 16, 2009

I wish it were summer

I wish that it
were summer so bad right now. I think if it were, I would've spent the day like this:
1. Wake up around 9.
2.Make some eggs for breakfast (It's very important.)
3. Get dressed.
3.5. Read in the hammock.
4. Hang out with Joe, Jasie, Joey, Keri and Dani if she was in town and not in some exotic locale.
5. Ride my bike around town and say hullo to folks i see.
6. Hit up one of the mandatory, multitudinous and amply available parties.
7. Got for a dip in Mona Lake.
I miss Mona Lake the most. I think it's magical ,and one day I will tell my grandkids about the mysteries of that place and about going skinny dipping- definitive moments were made there. I want to swim, and my shower just isn't cutting it anymore.

I wish it were summer.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Grad School?

I'm looking at Sotheby's Art Institute, studying for a Masters in Contemporary Art in London...

I'm thinking about the Masters of Modern and Contemporary Art at the London campus of Christie's...

and then I read this advice:

I need to go to the library and start working...

Interning; Day 1

So I got a super-sweet internship in the BYU MOA (
It's really great, and I'm so excited about it...
I would really like to one day work with modern and contemporary art- it's the field I'm trying to get into for many various reasons, so the opportunity was a really exciting one for me.

The work that's currently on display is by the artist Dan Steinhibler. ( It's really groundbreaking to have a space for contemporary art at BYU where tradition has come to mean so much to so many people.

So today, my mentor for the internship, Jeff asked me to be there at 4pm. I showed up and went to his office only to find it empty (much to my dismay). I went downstairs to ask the front receptionist, and on my way, Jeff called out to me by name (I was happy that he knew who I was/remembered doesn't always happen...). He regretfully informed me that there was an emergency he had to attend to, and that another museum employee would be showing me my first day's duties. I gracefully accepted.

What followed was a taxing 2.5 hours of blowing up balloons using an air compressor that had way too many PSI for the delicate operation, in a room where nobody ever went. It was a sad, silently lonely experience. I loved it.

I remember the exact moment that it hit me: one day, when I'm successful and on my way to my certain millions, I will look back and remember this very day- the day I started on the road to what I want. Internship: Day 1. I was inflating a corpse grey balloon for the D.S. exhibit and looking out at the waning light of day, working its way out of the tiny window in the basement room I was working in when it happened.

So if you're inclined to, the show runs through the 6 of June this year. The works are really amazing and ephemeral comments on the brevity of mortal experience and the idea of death and containment- really eloquent soliloquies about consumer culture and the impact we have as a contemporary society. The statues and pieces created in the gallery are many varied and wonderful, maybe even an answer to something you've been needing. I thank Steinhibler for offering me the opportunity to be involved with his art making process and the moment to have extremely happy, sore fingers from hours and hours of balloon tying.

I'm going back tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm catching up. I'm on episode 4 of season 4. I'm on my way, and I am ready for next season. Make it a good one, eh, ABC?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm proving it.

The second post in a day. I'm proving my loyalty to this second chance, because I'm serious. seriously.

It's the second week of school- so far so good.

I want to go to seattle.


I want to write an ORCA grant (see more here: about which I have two important and probably pretty good ideas. Plan to hear about them. I will tell you- in small doses.

I was walking to the wilk today, just minding my own business, and I saw a fat tabby cat running. It darted in and out of the crowd. I don't know what it thinks it was doing, but it was so funny to me. Do you think you're late to class? Gotta go meet up with 'friends?' What gives you the right?!?! (i hate cats...)

I feel good. Elder Holland spoke today. He's my favorite church celebrity. I love the way he speaks- super powerful.


Try Again?

I know my incessantly inconsistent blogging is annoying. anyone that might still be interested is probably annoyed, and bored... let's admit it- I suck at this.

I want to try again. It's a new year, and some people would forcibly argue that a second chance is a human right. There guys got one... and they committed heinous crimes. I've never done such a thing!! I think that I really do have something to tell you about and something good to bontribute to the blogo-sphere. I wanna try again.

I want a second chance!