Monday, March 21, 2011

more medical terms!

Hey boo(s).
I am going under the knife at eight.

It should be an adventure. 
Say a little prayer for me.
I hope to be reporting again soon.

I got a job.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

in medical terms

oh hey.
so I have this thing. it's weird. It first showed up a little over three years ago. Recently, it came back with a vengeance, and was all inflamed, causing my to feel like I was running a near-constant fever for about two weeks straight. This was coupled with a whole lot of pain in my neck meats.


Anyways. I'm headed to the doc this afternoon for a lil consultation to see what can be done about it. In the meantime, I thought it'd be nice to share my adventured with you. Sorry if it grosses you out. This might be fun, though.

So to start things off, here's a straight shot of the little frenemy that is building on the neck-region. See? It looks like a lump of hotness on my throat:

Next up, a zoomed-in view, just to be sure that we all know where, exactly, we're looking. yep. that's it. Right smack in the middle of my hyper-ticklish neck.

To make this feel more medical-y, I thought an X-ray would be nice.

And just in case, a thermal scan might be useful too. Looks like a blue boob growing on my throat. Cute!

Now I want you to just envision it in the clouds. Can you see it?

And what if I were "abducted by aliens", you ask? Wonder no more, dear reader:

The little guy has already seen Paris:

 Maybe it can visit Maui next?

I tried and tried to get it onto a rollercoaster and even the moon, but the stubborn little guy was too scared, and I ended up looking mostly dead (but with a lady-Adam's apple). such is life, I guess.

I am nervous about this whole situation... because the surgery requires a hospital stay and some intense anesthesia. Oh yeah... and a scar. Too bad I'm not really that in to scars. I get rather squeamish and nervous about medical stuff so... wish me luck. Or send me cookies. 

Or both? Yeah. Definitely both.

Friday, March 11, 2011

uh... yeah.

so guys.
it's time to get real.
I spend 93% of my day with... myself.

(Tangentially, but still related, I really really like myself. I like my interests and find my particular skill set and world-view to be exciting. I like being by myself... I'm probably an introvert who has learned how to be socially extroverted because, well, that's what we do as human beings. Maybe?
I like that I like things. I like that I have interests and I am still learning. A lot. 
I have maybe perfected a whole-wheat bread recipe. I have made at least five different types of soup. I have read plenty of books, and have worked on improving relationships with some family members. I have gone to parties (which I was previously in a serious funk about...), and actually enjoyed them. I have written and edited. I have helped new life come into this world. I am learning to serve better + more.

I have learned how to pray again, and really mean it. 

I have learned to listen to myself more. Maybe it's because there's no one else around, but still. I think this will prove vital. 
This wasn't intended to excuse the time I have spent, rather to illustrate that I like myself and find meaning in the time that we have together.)

(this video, while I understand it's about a breakup of a relationship with some dude, sort of feels like my breakup with school and normal-people-dom.)

I had a serious bout of feeling insecure/frustrated/disenchanted/boring/bored/annoyed/anti-social/guilty/terrible/nervous//depressed/barfy/sick/lame about my situation.

It was a really ugly emotional and self-centered coleslaw of yuck feelings.

That's the honest truth.

I have spent a lot of time telling myself to be happy and to invest myself into choosing happiness (which I DO, in fact, believe is a choice... maybe this is a by-product of my fancy-pants learn-to-think lib arts education?).
But that choice can be really really hard to make when you are reviving feedback that your life is boring. Which I did. Three times. IN. A. ROW.
Let's just say that there are some "friends" that I thought I had, who I will happily use Nebraska as an excuse to avoid. No, thank you, I don't need anyone to ask me if I have a job yet. I'm good at that question myself. I don't need anyone to encourage me to apply. I promise I've applied. And yes: I've even called back. I know full well that the squeaky wheel gets greased, but I don't speak Russian or have a teaching certificate from the state of Utah, and I am sorry that I have a degree that makes minimum wage income beyond my capacity... So I maintain my status.

I have told you, dear reader, several times on this very blog, about my convictions, and I am grateful for the support. I am holding to them.

I am recommitting to wonderment (baby plant life is pushing itself up through the soil. What's not to wonder about?!).

I am recommitting to hope (I was accepted to my top choice of graduate program. With funding. Duh.).

I may have to recommit every single day, and you may hear about it.
every. single. day.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


sometimes bestiefriends come to town.

and then this happens:

and it is good.

very good.