it was hard

really really hard to talk to my dad this morning. I wanted to vomit and cry and scream at him because I am disappointed and sad and so so mad about everything and feel so betrayed and abandoned, and about the fact that I cannot trust, and i wanted to tell him about what I believe about how we have to support one another because we promised to, and we promise to every week, and I wanted to comfort him because that is what I promise to do. Every week.

But I was scared that it would feel like talking to mom last Sunday felt: awful and dark. I hated that, and I didn't really know how to deal with it on any level. I just took a shower and cried and tried to understand the things she had said, and the things that I had said and was still saying inside my head. And then I got out of that shower and cried some more on the shoulders of some incredible women, and I think for once, I let people do what they promise to do. Every week.




Instead I just told him that I wished he was happy and I hope that things work out.

What things was I hoping would work out? I regret not telling him how I feel.

I am scared that I am shutting down again.

So this one time I went to Europe...

...and there are a lot of really really great things there. I resent the fact that I have not really talked about it much on here. My selective neglect is unfortunate, and it will continue. However, there are a few things that I DEFINITELY feel like you should know.


One of the great things that I did while I was in Europe, was play this little game that my friend K$$ and Chunk play on our round-the-world travels. It involves this website. It is very funny, and you should consider playing it.

So there's a lot of public art around in Europe, you know? This is one example.

So. Back to that game.

It's pretty fun to play.

Sometimes I  like to go to the steps of really famous architects in places like Paris. I like that a lot.

There are more.
I will try to share them with you sometime.

Promise I will try.

-A