Crushes.

I've been thinking a lot lately about crushes.
I guess it all started when I moved into a house a few years ago, full of girls who were... very... girly. All they talked about were boys, boys, boys.

I'd never really been one to dish with the ladies, and I NEVER disclosed my secret fantasy-only-(kinda)-love-life. NEVER.

I've since moved out of that house, but those girls taught me a lot about how to be a girly girl. It was so hard for me at first, but now, I am embracing my crush side.

Hell, who knows... maybe I'll even get around to actually dating someone/having a real, meaningful (rather than a secret that nobody doesn't know about) relationship one of these days.
That last sentence sort of sounded creepier than I thought it would.
Today I realized that I have a crush in every aspect of my life. I have a work crush, a church crush, and a social life crush.

[Side note explanation: There isn't really a school crush, but that's only because I go to BYU where all "good" Mormon men major in extremely lucrative fields because of the intense cultural indoctrination about normative gender roles and the supposedly innate need for a man to provide for his family's monetary needs. I'm not saying it's wrong or that I don't think it is a wise plan, rather that it results in an utter dearth of healthy, attractive, intelligent, eligible men in my general scholastic path. There are somewhere around 120 Art History majors at BYU. 7 (on my last count) are of the male gender. Bleh.]

So I got to thinking about my history with these secret loves of mine. I am going to make an admission to you, oh-great-void of internetness: I have never actually dated anyone. I have had a series of intrigues and near-boyfriend relationships that were capitally unhealthy, but never the real-deal. For some reason, this has been bothering me lately.



I'm like Beyonce. All she wants is Jay-Z's baby, but she keeps making songs about how strong and independent she is!!

Probably something to do with that old biological clock thing, or something (I mean- I AM 24, healthy baby bearing age)... honest to goodness, I have three legitimate and substantial crushes right now. I am not going to get obsessive or creepy, I just feel the need to validate my infatuation(s) here.

And I felt so happy after I actually spoke to one crush boy today that I really figured I ought to express my glee.
It lasted about fifteen minutes while he finished his dinner.

I didn't have snot flying out of my nose (that's a story for another day...).

I didn't feel awkward.

We made eye contact.

He initiated the conversation.

It was actually interesting (!!!).

I was holding a giant sandwich.

I didn't say anything really idiotic.

I was funny.
I WAS FUNNY!

He was funny.
HE WAS FUNNY!

We established a future conversation path.

It didn't end uncomfortably, nor too soon or early.

There it is.
Best first real conversation ever. It made me like him all the more. I'm scared that I'm getting carried away, but this time, maybe there's at least some substance to my daydreams...

In other news, Audrey Flack is coming to lecture tomorrow.



You should look her up; she's a fantastic contemporary artist. Also, she's playing a banjo concert with a good friend. I'm pretty certain that it will be extremely entertaining.

this song is amazing.

I love everything that I have ever heard from her... which isn't a ton, but i'd like to dedicate this song and video to this last weekend.

My Dear Roommate

is doing a Photo giveaway.

http://christinearmbruster.blogspot.com/2010/03/happy-monday-photo-giveaway.html

She is amazing, so you should enter. I just did.

Also...

...my parents are WEIRD.

yep.

I Went to a Psychic

I'm usually a skeptic. I have the hardest time suspending my disbelief in almost everything. But tonight, while waiting for a tremendous hotdog in downtown L.A., I went with a dear friend, who we'll refer to as Boo, to a psychic.
We tried one place first, but we sat in the front waiting room for about ten minutes, we decided she was totally phony (I mean- a psychic who can't sense your presence? C'mon!), we split.
Hot dog consumed, we ventured out in search of someone legit (tongue in cheek...). We came upon a little hole in the wall crawling with little kinders and shelves and shelves full of mystic accouterments and various talismans of future wisdom. Aaaaaand it only would cost us five bucks. So... yep. We went in.
The girl was really young looking. Like late teens/early twenties young. I was surprised about how much she said... I bought it, hook, line and sinker... I'll admit it. There. Now you know.



She told me so many things- it was kinda crazy. I mean, I know that there's a certain art to reading people and then saying whatever they want to hear... If that was her objective, TOTAL WIN. Well- worth the $5.
First of all, she told me that I was a man who died for my beliefs in another life...

perfect...

She also said I was a very very old soul (my lines run deep).She explained that because I'm a woman in this life, I have a lot of really good energy. That's because I'm trying to give birth to a new soul... or something. I was trying to overcome the drama of death by working to make something good, and there was a lot of positive energy surrounding me.
She said that I have a guardian... (totally hokey here!) who died of cancer. she actually used that on me. So funny! She told me not to be freaked out, and I probably freaked her out by how little freaked out I was (I really do believe that the spiritual presence of our dead do abide with us. Yep. deep spirituality here...).
She went on and on about how I have a hard time connecting with other people, especially girls because of a lot of jealous energy directed at me, and I relate better to men (because... well... I used to be one, I guess??), which... yeah.
She told me to stay in school. She talked about how I have had and will have many, many hurdles to overcome in meeting my goals, but that because of the depth of my commitments and the strength of my soul, I shouldn't have too much trouble, rather that I have the capacity of growing from my troubles. Okay, okay. I'm in.
She said my financial woes would soon end (!!!).
Then, my favorite part, she talked about my love life. This part was... awesome.
She said I was a person who was intended to marry in this life (!!), and that I would marry for love (!!!!)... but that I haven't met my soul mate yet, and that I won't for six years or so.
Yep.
Bummer.
But she said that I shouldn't worry about it because we will be happy. Well, all you crushes, say goodbye to this former-man-soul-lady.
It's not you.
Your loss.
Sorry, fellas.

And it's too bad too, because we are going to have TWINS!
They are really special spirits because they showed up... which is apparently a rare phenomenon in people. Sweet. Hardcore babies. (I'm terrified.)
Last, she told me to write down everything because I'm meant to be known for my writing and for what I do occupationally. She said that the things I think about are important to the world and to others. So, maybe I'll write more, okay?