pool partie morningnights

obviously, I need to be asleep right now, but my body is taking me to weird places late at night these days.
It misses being touched by people.
It misses certainty.
It misses love and, probably, it misses you.


I wrote Madeline a poem about what I usually do to lull myself asleep:
and you know
[2:06:43 AM]: when I can't sleep
[2:06:51 AM]: the image that is mostly most comforting to me
[2:07:07 AM]: is thinking of swimming pools with their lights on late at night
[2:07:09 AM]: in the dark
[2:07:11 AM]: but now
[2:07:13 AM]: that image just haunts me
[2:07:14 AM]: i just like the color of it and the elecctricity-ness of it
[2:08:16 AM]: the contrast
[2:08:22 AM]: juxtaposition
[2:08:26 AM]: darklightness
[2:08:31 AM]: you know
[2:08:34 AM]: but
[2:08:36 AM]: not tonight.
[2:08:42 AM]: tonight
[2:08:50 AM]: it feel dread about it.
[2:09:00 AM]: about those pools dotting the country
[2:10:40 AM]it just in my head.
[2:10:43 AM]it's sloshing.

 

It's calm electrical teal, without a ripple or a hint of disturbance.

I've been in more pools in the last month than I have probably been in the rest of my life combined. My hair smells like dark, rich chemistry and tangy blueness. I might be starting to like it, but mostly just at night. At night or when it is raining. I know it's dangerous. I just don't care at all. 

0%.

There is oregano and lemon basil and marjoram and sweet basil drying in my kitchen right now, and all I want is to drink big cups of cold water until my belly hurts and not think at all anymore about anything (which is everything, so much) that is disallowing me to have calm like that pool. 

Peace like a river. Peace like a river. Peace like a river.

i miss everything. maybe tomorrow will be more than a 4.5.6.7. Maybe.

.................................................................................

this song is so old, and I don't even care if you care.
I love it, and I feel it is apt.